~ waves of emotion ~

Praise to Allah, the Creator of this magnificent world.

I'm happy, la la la...have you ever see a little girl who got her lollipop? happy as can be. haha, i just got back my baby yesterday after a week in 'the hospital'. now my baby can speak again! woohoo! after a long week of torture (i'm exaggerating!) and missing my baby, i am happy and content! ok, whatever. 

now, have you ever see a little girl who just got her lolly but unfortunately dropped it into the mud? sad and pity! well, that is also happened to me. my whole batch is going to have this kind of graduation dinner where some may say goodbyes and else. and i will not go. final. reasons? well, just say that things are more complicated and better left untouch.

ai-na : i'm left alone at my own device...

~ spill some blood ~

whush, whack, whack, whush, whack, vroom, wheep,wheep. fewh, after about a month i left you! by the way, that's me doing the cleaning of this dirty and dusty blog of mine..ok,forget about it!

now, this entry is about me and only me (well, it is my blog!) and those who are related to me (offically and non-official, huh?) whatever!

this is about me and my idiocy, me and my ignorance, me and my stupid feelings, me and my jealousy, me and my slowness (does this word exist?), me and my everything..
i am an ordinary girl with no special or extraordinary ability that can make people gawk at me (not that i want to) or envy(how to know such thing about yourself?). i am not brilliant, or genius, or bright, just have a little bit of knowledge to get me through my life. i am not a quick thinker, never quick on action and i am not a fast learner either. i am not a kind of girl people categorised as cool or easy to hang out with (if some say so, maybe because i hang out with cool people, so i am just a mere shadow of them). i am always out of topic to converse with others. yeah, 'diam lebih baik dari berkata-kata' or so, because i dont know. sometimes i dont understand people's feeling. am i bad? sometimes i dont know what people expect of me. i'm tired.
i have wishes, a full list of it. i want to do a lot of things, try all of it. some people said that i am crazy. why?
i always want to make others happy, enjoy their life. but in reality, i am the one who is responsible for the other's sorrow and pain. why?
i try to understand people, help them when they are in need. but, who want to help me? please?

i want to cover my pain and sadness because i dont want people to pity me, i want to stay strong for others so they can stand and face the world. just know that i will be there for you.
i know i am slow, slow in every thing. please, just bear with me. i am struggling to get through. can you just spare me some of your patient and be with me? i know i always look like this kind of people who always ask, 'please, wait for me!' 'please, make me understand!' all that. but, i know when i am not wanted.

i am not good at words, never. how am i suppose to confess? how am i suppose to write it out? (i dont even understand what i am trying to write, haha) and i always hate face-to-face confrontation! it kills!

i have lost myself long time ago and i dont know where to find the pieces. i am like a soul without a body wandering for a place to reside. (too much harry potter can cloud your mind! dont you think so? haha)

whatever it is, there is One and only One that will listen to me forever, wait for me forever, teach me forever and have patient for me forever. Him.

Praise be to Allah, Lord of the world.

ai-na : there's pain, but no wound. i might let some of it spill. hmm, what a thought...

p/s : i just want to try some of the colours, haha..looks cool though!