~ safe ~

remember about my missing hand phone? and how nervous wreck I am of telling my ummi and abah? well, i told them. i should have told them earlier, but my ummi and abah accept it well. yes, well. my ummi just said 'dah bukan rezeki, maybe ada salah di mana-mana'

so, i'm fine right now. my ummi said, just do with what you have right now because i will certainly not buying a new one for you. that's the punishment i think, hehe. what to do? i'll live..

ai-na : that is how we learn to live the hard way..

~ Lost ~

The last few weeks had been so hectic for me and my friends. Being the final semester student is no joke, man! Time flies, and it is nearing to the final exam! I even asked myself, what had I learned this semester? So much assignments and presentations that I made me forgot what had happen these past few weeks. A lot of sacrifices to be made, things to be let go and some people would not understand the position that I am in. Forcing me to do this, go there and what so ever. (it is not that I don’t want to join, but my time is constraint!) It is tiring and stressful.

And I know I’ve been neglecting a lot, so ALLAH has sent me some remembrances. This happened during last week, the last 14 weeks of study. The most busiest week of all. On Thursday, me and my friends purposely skipped classes, Law classes, to finish up our Etr presentation that due on Friday, the next day.  I lost my room key in the toilet bowl! I tried to save it, but unfortunately when I could not hold … any longer, I went to the toilet next to the one with my key in. Then, I heard, someone was inside the toilet next to me and flushed! There goes my key, goodbye! Huhu!  What more is, the person who flushed the toilet is my friend! So, I was locked outside my room without able to do anything. I have to wait for my roommate who also my classmate back from Law class to open the door so I can get in and do my work. See! It just the same as I go to class and back at that time. Moral of the story, never skip class no matter what. (but I still skipped the night class, hehe)

Next remembrances are, I’m having fever on Saturday. And that day I have Critical Thinking test! Huhu! I hope I can make it. Later that day, I can not have my rest because I have promised my little sister to accompany her to PC Fair in KLCC so I have to go. Then go to the service centre to upgrade her office and activate it, until late. That night I was supposed to sleep at my friend’s house so I dragged my sister there since her house is near my friend’s. My sister packed her things at her house and it is already 2230, so we have to take the taxi to go to my friend’s.

My friend asked my to text her if we already near her house, so I did that. Upon arriving, I paid the taxi driver and get out. Then I realised something is missing! My handphone! I left it in the taxi! The stupidest thing ever for me is that I forgot to take the taxi’s number! So, I told my friend that I have to go back and chase the taxi. Me and my sister get on another taxi and try to go back to where we take the first taxi. The 2^nd taxi driver is very helpful, he knows the 1^st taxi driver but unfortunately he did not have the phone number of that driver. My sister called her friend to find the 1^st taxi as we already know t he number at the place we get on it. Her friend found the taxi; search the taxi with the driver but no handphone. We arrived there and I asked the driver if I can checked it again myself. He said, go on and the result is still the same. No handphone! When I tried to called my number again, it already off as someone already have it. The taxi driver said there is few people ask to be sent someplace but he refused. But, there are 3 guys that stop him and ask whether he could send them to Carrefour, 2 of them already halfway into the taxi. The taxi driver said he will charge RM10, but they refused and the taxi driver asked how much they want to pay but they refused and go away. So the taxi driver said he went straight away to the place we first board him.

So, our assumptions are that 3 guys took my handphone. What can I do? I can do nothing as it is my own fault, my own carelessness. No matter how hard I cried, the handphone is still gone. (I did cried though, cried until I slept that night) What is worst is, it is exactly 1 year after the day my laptop, handphone and my abah’s mp3(which I borrowed) being stolen. Exactly a week before my final exam. What make me so sad is the handphone that is just lost is my abah’s phone, which he bought it because his old phone can no longer be used. That is why when I first lost my handphone he gave me his new handphone and use again the old one. The thing he said to me when he gave me his new phone that make me sad when I remembered it, ‘Jaga handphone ni kak, macam mana akak sayang abah’. How can you not feel sad when he said that? I felt like I’m disappointing him. Whenever I remember it, I cried. It hurt so much.

Then, I try to realise my mistake. What have I done to be tested again? I tried to muhasabah myself, looking for the holes in my amal. What have I do wrong? There is time when I feel like I really need someone to be with me, but I realised again ALLAH is with me all the time. HE knows me well, inside out and always there for me. It just us, that sometimes forget HIM and when something like this happened, we look for HIM.

ai-na : i don't know if I should tell my ummi and my abah...

~ Rambles Brambles ~

I want to fly away

Fly through the white clouds

And touch the sky

I want to run away

As far as I can

Till the end of the world

I want to swim away

To the deepest ocean

Explore and learn the beauty of creation

But in the end

I have to come back

ai-na : maksudnye, berpijaklah di bumi yang nyata, asyik berangan je!

~ busy ~

i am sorry for not posting for a long time..i am really busy right now with a lot of works , presentations and assignments, it is too much for my brain to handle! my life is kinda hectic and sometime i'm losing myself, haha..nothing much to write, hoping everyone in good health..hope to post in again anytime soon..

ai-na : it is too much!!  

~ my dear friend ~

Dear friend,

You are so shy and afraid to go forward

You always stay behind others and watch from a far

You afraid of saying your thoughts that you think may hurt others

You keep quiet and accept everything

Even when you disagree, you just keep it to yourself

I know when you feel like crying, you just throw the feeling away

You feel alone but you never say so

I saw the other side of you that peeking out, wanting to come out

I saw everything that you gone through, but you still keep it to yourself

I am sorry for not being there when you need me the most

I am sorry for not helping you when I know you are in trouble

I am sorry for staying away from you

I am sorry for not being a good friend to you

I am sorry for everything…

~ walking down the memory lane ~

I joined ‘Larian Melati’ today for my college festival. It has been, what, 3 years ago since I ran, so, you should have guess that I did not won any place. Haha! It was very tiring, as we had to run around the UiTM. This is the first time I go around the UiTM by foot! Our starting line is at the back of our college leading to this ‘Bukit Tonggek’ (because you need to tonggek when climbing even using motorcycles, haha!) This bukit is 45 degree (I think) and the reason I was left behind. After climbing the bukit, my leg was like jelly. I started to panic; oh please do not collapse Aina! Alhamdulillah, I manage to continue my run, haha!

Along the way, my mind was flooded with memories from the past. It seems alive, I can hear the laughter, see the faces of my friends and feel the excitement. I miss you guys! I remembered when we were running back in primary school during the sports day (Asma’ Aminuddin , you shine in secondary school! A fast runner at that time); we were competing each other and comparing who got the fastest time. At one time, we support each other; support the house, uhud, badar, khandak and khaibar. I was in Badar from standard 1 to 3 and was in Uhud from standard 4 to 6. I think they do not called that now. Sometime, we will go against each other, fighting of which house is better, and then we forget it all and become close again. Childish, I know. But that make us closer. I really miss those times.

In secondary school, we run for marathon. I remember my running partners, Ain and Musyirah(where are you girls, I missed you!). Whenever there a marathon competition, Ain, Musyirah and I will plan our strategy on how to win. We will start at the very front line and start running at slow pace. Then we count those who run past us until 10 people. And we start increasing our pace, run past them one by one until we know that we are ahead of everyone. We control our running but never stop for a walk. Even if we are tired we still run slowly but moving. In form 2, using this strategy we won 1st, 2nd and 3rd place. Ain in the 1st place, me in 2nd followed by Musyirah in 3rd. That is one of the happy memories that I will never forget about running.

When I was in MRSM, there is a jogathon competition. I still use the same strategy but without my partners, I felt alone. I won, but in the 13th place. Still good enough eh? Running will never be the same without you girls! But I still remember my friends, Syaimaa’, Nabihah, Asma’ Aminuddin who are a great runner themselves. I envied you all. Then, I remember the time when we were in Java. Thinking of you reminds me of what we had done, what we had been through. We learn a lot together, we cry, we laugh and even quarrel. Without you, I am nobody. All of you are precious to me; I don’t want to lose you, never. I always want to be there for you when you need somebody to go through your life. But, we were separated by our future, time and thoughts. Just make sure that all of you are always in my heart. Always.

ai-na : bila nak wat reunion lagi?

~ Last breath... ~

A long weekend! (its 3 days!) Yesterday I went to visit my little sister in her place around Subang, being a good sister I am (perasan!). Just wasting my time there actually, seeing her study, watching TV and sleep (haha!) We spent some, you may say quality time together as sisters, telling jokes and laughing around. We went to eat, window shopping and all sort of stupid and some genius stuff.

Well, I went back to place today as I have a lot of homework to do. On our way, (she came with me for lunch) we saw this one cute kitten with blue eyes. Adorable! Then, somewhere ahead of us there are a silver Honda Civic just came out from the parking spot and zoom off. Then my sister said, there is a new kitten, gray-white colour, there. So I went there, and I saw not only one but two new kittens! One was the gray-white colour and the other was black. The black kitten was lying and the mother were licking its body. The sibling (i suppose!) was nudging the black kitten's body as if saying, 'come on, get up' (i'm learning cat language, haha!). I was curios as why the black kitten just laid there so I came near. Then, the black kitten turned towards us and I saw a set of beautiful sparkling blue eyes (i'm not exaggerating!). I never thought to see such a beautiful eyes, but something amiss behind those eyes. We keep on looking at it, and the black kitten just stared at us as if trying to say, 'could you please help me'.

I saw a few feet away from us, there are three Japanese or Korean guys(i'm not sure) were staring at the three cat, the black kitten in particular. My sister said maybe the black kitten is dying because of being hit by the car. The kitten couldn't get up! And it still staring at us, begging us with the look. And later, it turn its head and became still. I thought it was dead, then I came nearer to look. The mother had stop licking and just sat still beside it, the other kitten had also sat still across it's sibling. I saw the black kitten heaving a sharp breath, once, twice and I couldn't look no more. My sister make an attempt to go nearer but I stop her, I said don't look at it when it is its time to go. The mother and the sibling also didn't look at it.
I dragged my sister away from the family, and just look from afar. The guys came to us and asked if the kitten had died, but my sister just said its dying. Just imagine, looking at the kitten's eyes in the last minutes of its life. I still can't forget the look on the kitten eyes, as the light seems to fade away, so as its soul. I felt hopeless, can't help the kitten. Then we just move on, feeling very sad. Yeah, and bad-mouthing (not too harsh, dont worry!) the unresponsible driver.

We had our lunch and I bought some stuff for myself then I'm off to my place. After settling down, I text my sister to make sure she had reach her place. And, she told me another bad news! The grey-white kitten is dead! The head was squashed, and bits of it were sprayed around. It's gruesome, if you can imagine it, but it is so sad. They died side by side. In just a few hours, the mother had lost two kitten! My sister and I called whoever the killer, 'the cat slayer'. Maybe you can say that the driver didn't see the kittens were under the car but can't you just peek under or look around. They should know that the area has a lot of cats around. Just check around, it won't cost you anyway.

So, lesson for today : Check under and around your car before you move away, better that way than being a killer!

ai-na : I missed my cat..