~ Aidilfitri and its consequences? ~

Salam Aidilfitri to all my friends, whether you remember me or not. I am sorry for all the wrong things that i done and said, that hurt you. Please accept my apologies..

Well, it seems to be the last raya for me before I fly to UK this saturday. Since it will be the last raya, my aunt said 'aina, makan banyak2 nanti kat sana mana nak jumpa ketupat rendang ni semua.' I said 'adalah, boleh je buat sendiri. kat malaysian hall pun ada' She said again 'mana sama dengan yang kat sini' And my mum said 'true'. Ok, that is the first house! What happen when all the house i visited ask the same of me? 

so the next day, i unproudly said that one of the toilet in my aunt's house is officially mine for the whole morning.My aunt should allow me to put a name plaque on the door, my name. 15 times! 15 times i need to use the toilet and it was the worse diarrhea ever! I should heed the warning from my friend not to eat too much, huhu.

Well, later then.

ai-na : tired and hungry, but afraid to eat again!

~ a day at zoo negara ~

i'm excited! overly excited because i'm joining this volunteering activity at zoo negara somewhere in ampang, i think! to be specific near in gombak but i'm not so sure, haha! we have to be at budiman early in the morning, at 7am! so early! but we were like 10 minutes late, haha! typical! 

the bus started to move at around 730am and we arrived at arround 830. with this and that, walking to the gate we manage to gather at the office yard around 845 and the officer from the education department of the zoo said we already late for half an hour! the zoo is suppose to be opened to public at 9am and 'the zoo cleaner' (that's us!) are late to work! perfect, a lecture!

so, we were divided into groups and sent to our sections. eventhough i really want to 'clean up' the lion and tiger's cage but as a volunteer we can not choose, huhu! they just ask us to follow the assigned zoo keeper at each sections and do the work. me and my 4 other friends went to the reptile's house and parts of the amphibian's. urgh! snakes!! that is the place that i really want to avoid but alas, no chance!

two of us was to clean the tortoise or turtle (i cant differentiate it) house, not all. we swept the area, washed the ponds and talking! hehe! My friend Sarah and I got the easiest job (i think!) because our supervisor is cool and sporting and just telling stories to us. a pity to my other 3 friends, they have to prepare foods, fed the alligators, goats, rats, iguanas, lizards and even phytons! it is fun too but a lot of works and their supervisor is like a grumpy old man! while Sarah and I are having fun cleaning the phyton skins and just listening to stories! haha! 

Sarah was cool, she hold a very active phyton and enjoying it while i was like a meter away from her, avoiding the snake's head! i was afraid at first to touch the snakes, phytons most of it but then i was able to hold the phytons! yay! i hold the albino burmese phyton and took pictures with it. later ok!

when it times for our tea break, we all meet together with my other friends from the other sections and visits the other animals. we really love the tiger, malaya tiger and bengal tiger! and also the lion, simba the lion king! and i saw the puma too! they are so cute! haha!the lion wont stop roaring when we were there, haha! and we all took pictures of giraffes eating at the giraffe's cage, so tall and beautiful. 

the works are fun and also tiring, i think i hurt my back to! (whining aina!) an experience that i dont want to forget! if there is another chance of doing it again, i'll definitely go. maybe i even go visit the phytons! hehe! oh yeah, i'll visit the one pah gave name to, she called the albino phyton 'baby' and its a boy! very funny pah! 

later then, i'm super tired!

ai-na : go do your homeworkssss!

~ Of building and earthquake ~

To build something is not an easy job, just ask the engineers! They need full concentration to scale, measure and build. They need to make sure all the safety measures are installed and the building is protected from danger such as natural disaster, making it livable for the others. Before the project even begin, the planning is important. It took some times to develop the plan and later to proceed with the project. After the building is finished, it needs to be maintained.

Natural disaster is unpredictable. It can occur when we least expect it. Even day-to-day changes affect the environment. For example, when it always raining it will cause leaking to the building, fading the exterior wash of the building’s wall. When it sun all the time, it also cause the paint to fade. When something much bigger happen like the earthquake, it cause harm to the building and also the people who live in it. No matter how strong the structure of the building, it may still affect the building and the people. It may cause the building to be unlivable according to the condition.

From the analogy above, we can relate it to our life. It is hard to create a life. Every parent will plan for their children, what they expect of them, what they want their children to become in the future. It will be different to every parent on how they brought up their children but still with the same expectation. Every parent want what best for their children, ensure the safety, trying to fulfill the needs and sometimes what we want. From there, it will be our responsibilities on how we continue with our life. Do we become a good person, the one that are expected from our parent or the other way around?

 Sometimes we do not realised what we faced in life. We faced hardship and obstacle at every corner of our life. The story goes on. How do we handle the situation? With good faith? With gratefulness that Allah still remember us by giving us the test? Or we mourn at how unjust the life had been for us? No matter how bad it is, life must goes on. It’s like we’re taking a ship for a journey, we faced storm at the sea, rough weather, and if we were unlucky maybe a tsunami will cross our way. Still, we have to finish the journey to reach our destination. Start questioning yourself how you handle things in your life. I’ve done it. And you will get shock on how well things going on and maybe how bad it is that you already experienced. It makes you a wiser person.

Even building with the strongest structure will be affected by a minor earthquake. How about your life?

~ starting ~

the starting of new term. everybody are busy with the preparation, not to mention a bit angry with the starting of class. on short-notice, we are suppose to register early and college is NOT provided! so you can imagine the hectic life of mine for a few days. there are also something else that happened that really made me very sad. 

the day of becoming non-resident is really killing me. i am very tired of walking from the house and trying to catch the bus, every day! i really want a motorcycle or scooter, whatever but my ummi strictly said NO. the first week is very unnerving, day and night i'm busy with class and programs. even in the weekend but i managed it well (i think!). we already have a lot of homework! the day i moved in to my new house was very tiring! i am so sorry ummi and abah to make you come over and help me. luckily, everything back to normal at the end of the week. 

the starting of the second week which is this week, everything seems under control even though i am still tired of walking to and back from class. still have to catch the bus. you can see the scenario in every morning of how the students trying to get on the bus. with pushing and pulling, running and chasing after the bus. very unethical! (ehem, i seem to be one of them)

even though this new semester our timetable is not really pack like last semester, but it is tiring because the subjects are more tougher and harder. we need to study real hard and consistent. i'll try! 

life is colourful, that is why every thing is not easy. when you really want to do something and work hard for it, but in the end they never turn out the way you want it, it is really frustrating. i want so much in my life but not everything is possible. so, i'm trying to accept the truth even though it's really hard to do so. please pray for me.

~ story of my life ~

finally! at home now after finishing my final exam, my diploma and well, start a new thing. great things about being at home are the luxury of foods, time spent with family and a free mind! But, the not so great about being at home is me being bully! bullied by my little brother! hey, i know that i'm smaller than you but it does not give you the power to bully me!
Now come the story part..
The last day before my final exam, my audit lecturer gave her last talk about responsibilities, good behavior, respect and other things. Most of the things she said kinda hit the nerve. She said that we are good students, clever and easy to teach but, we're kinda lack in respecting our lecturers because she said we thought that we are clever so we can do what we want and stuff.
When she said, 'student ni bukan akademik je kena bagus tapi akhlak, rohani tu sendiri pun kena bagus. Baru boleh berjaya secara whole.' Ouch!
Then she said, 'lecturer ni memang tak suka student datang lambat, student yang macam ni la dia tak nak tolong sangat bila exam' Ouch!
Ouch, ouch and ouch! It really hit the nerve, guys! I realised how myself had act around the whole semester even in the whole course. Am I good? I know that i am not that good in academic but how about my akhlak? Hmm..
So, I really hope to be good in whole for the new semester and forever. Be a good student, no more playing around and start focusing on life (its seems like for every start of semester i'll promise myself the same thing but i did not do as promised!) This time it must be fulfill!
Ok, stop there about it.
Now, i missed my baby again! My baby is sick again, and has to be sent for repair. For the remaining of holiday i have to use the computer at my house, the ever so slow computer. Oops, do not say that aina! Nanti die merajuk tak nak ON baru taw!
That's it for now, want to go enjoying myself! Cooking and eating, yumm...

ai-na : to my friends, enjoy your holiday guys! buy me present k..

~ waves of emotion ~

Praise to Allah, the Creator of this magnificent world.

I'm happy, la la la...have you ever see a little girl who got her lollipop? happy as can be. haha, i just got back my baby yesterday after a week in 'the hospital'. now my baby can speak again! woohoo! after a long week of torture (i'm exaggerating!) and missing my baby, i am happy and content! ok, whatever. 

now, have you ever see a little girl who just got her lolly but unfortunately dropped it into the mud? sad and pity! well, that is also happened to me. my whole batch is going to have this kind of graduation dinner where some may say goodbyes and else. and i will not go. final. reasons? well, just say that things are more complicated and better left untouch.

ai-na : i'm left alone at my own device...

~ spill some blood ~

whush, whack, whack, whush, whack, vroom, wheep,wheep. fewh, after about a month i left you! by the way, that's me doing the cleaning of this dirty and dusty blog of mine..ok,forget about it!

now, this entry is about me and only me (well, it is my blog!) and those who are related to me (offically and non-official, huh?) whatever!

this is about me and my idiocy, me and my ignorance, me and my stupid feelings, me and my jealousy, me and my slowness (does this word exist?), me and my everything..
i am an ordinary girl with no special or extraordinary ability that can make people gawk at me (not that i want to) or envy(how to know such thing about yourself?). i am not brilliant, or genius, or bright, just have a little bit of knowledge to get me through my life. i am not a quick thinker, never quick on action and i am not a fast learner either. i am not a kind of girl people categorised as cool or easy to hang out with (if some say so, maybe because i hang out with cool people, so i am just a mere shadow of them). i am always out of topic to converse with others. yeah, 'diam lebih baik dari berkata-kata' or so, because i dont know. sometimes i dont understand people's feeling. am i bad? sometimes i dont know what people expect of me. i'm tired.
i have wishes, a full list of it. i want to do a lot of things, try all of it. some people said that i am crazy. why?
i always want to make others happy, enjoy their life. but in reality, i am the one who is responsible for the other's sorrow and pain. why?
i try to understand people, help them when they are in need. but, who want to help me? please?

i want to cover my pain and sadness because i dont want people to pity me, i want to stay strong for others so they can stand and face the world. just know that i will be there for you.
i know i am slow, slow in every thing. please, just bear with me. i am struggling to get through. can you just spare me some of your patient and be with me? i know i always look like this kind of people who always ask, 'please, wait for me!' 'please, make me understand!' all that. but, i know when i am not wanted.

i am not good at words, never. how am i suppose to confess? how am i suppose to write it out? (i dont even understand what i am trying to write, haha) and i always hate face-to-face confrontation! it kills!

i have lost myself long time ago and i dont know where to find the pieces. i am like a soul without a body wandering for a place to reside. (too much harry potter can cloud your mind! dont you think so? haha)

whatever it is, there is One and only One that will listen to me forever, wait for me forever, teach me forever and have patient for me forever. Him.

Praise be to Allah, Lord of the world.

ai-na : there's pain, but no wound. i might let some of it spill. hmm, what a thought...

p/s : i just want to try some of the colours, haha..looks cool though!