~ starting ~

the starting of new term. everybody are busy with the preparation, not to mention a bit angry with the starting of class. on short-notice, we are suppose to register early and college is NOT provided! so you can imagine the hectic life of mine for a few days. there are also something else that happened that really made me very sad. 

the day of becoming non-resident is really killing me. i am very tired of walking from the house and trying to catch the bus, every day! i really want a motorcycle or scooter, whatever but my ummi strictly said NO. the first week is very unnerving, day and night i'm busy with class and programs. even in the weekend but i managed it well (i think!). we already have a lot of homework! the day i moved in to my new house was very tiring! i am so sorry ummi and abah to make you come over and help me. luckily, everything back to normal at the end of the week. 

the starting of the second week which is this week, everything seems under control even though i am still tired of walking to and back from class. still have to catch the bus. you can see the scenario in every morning of how the students trying to get on the bus. with pushing and pulling, running and chasing after the bus. very unethical! (ehem, i seem to be one of them)

even though this new semester our timetable is not really pack like last semester, but it is tiring because the subjects are more tougher and harder. we need to study real hard and consistent. i'll try! 

life is colourful, that is why every thing is not easy. when you really want to do something and work hard for it, but in the end they never turn out the way you want it, it is really frustrating. i want so much in my life but not everything is possible. so, i'm trying to accept the truth even though it's really hard to do so. please pray for me.

~ story of my life ~

finally! at home now after finishing my final exam, my diploma and well, start a new thing. great things about being at home are the luxury of foods, time spent with family and a free mind! But, the not so great about being at home is me being bully! bullied by my little brother! hey, i know that i'm smaller than you but it does not give you the power to bully me!
Now come the story part..
The last day before my final exam, my audit lecturer gave her last talk about responsibilities, good behavior, respect and other things. Most of the things she said kinda hit the nerve. She said that we are good students, clever and easy to teach but, we're kinda lack in respecting our lecturers because she said we thought that we are clever so we can do what we want and stuff.
When she said, 'student ni bukan akademik je kena bagus tapi akhlak, rohani tu sendiri pun kena bagus. Baru boleh berjaya secara whole.' Ouch!
Then she said, 'lecturer ni memang tak suka student datang lambat, student yang macam ni la dia tak nak tolong sangat bila exam' Ouch!
Ouch, ouch and ouch! It really hit the nerve, guys! I realised how myself had act around the whole semester even in the whole course. Am I good? I know that i am not that good in academic but how about my akhlak? Hmm..
So, I really hope to be good in whole for the new semester and forever. Be a good student, no more playing around and start focusing on life (its seems like for every start of semester i'll promise myself the same thing but i did not do as promised!) This time it must be fulfill!
Ok, stop there about it.
Now, i missed my baby again! My baby is sick again, and has to be sent for repair. For the remaining of holiday i have to use the computer at my house, the ever so slow computer. Oops, do not say that aina! Nanti die merajuk tak nak ON baru taw!
That's it for now, want to go enjoying myself! Cooking and eating, yumm...

ai-na : to my friends, enjoy your holiday guys! buy me present k..

~ waves of emotion ~

Praise to Allah, the Creator of this magnificent world.

I'm happy, la la la...have you ever see a little girl who got her lollipop? happy as can be. haha, i just got back my baby yesterday after a week in 'the hospital'. now my baby can speak again! woohoo! after a long week of torture (i'm exaggerating!) and missing my baby, i am happy and content! ok, whatever. 

now, have you ever see a little girl who just got her lolly but unfortunately dropped it into the mud? sad and pity! well, that is also happened to me. my whole batch is going to have this kind of graduation dinner where some may say goodbyes and else. and i will not go. final. reasons? well, just say that things are more complicated and better left untouch.

ai-na : i'm left alone at my own device...

~ spill some blood ~

whush, whack, whack, whush, whack, vroom, wheep,wheep. fewh, after about a month i left you! by the way, that's me doing the cleaning of this dirty and dusty blog of mine..ok,forget about it!

now, this entry is about me and only me (well, it is my blog!) and those who are related to me (offically and non-official, huh?) whatever!

this is about me and my idiocy, me and my ignorance, me and my stupid feelings, me and my jealousy, me and my slowness (does this word exist?), me and my everything..
i am an ordinary girl with no special or extraordinary ability that can make people gawk at me (not that i want to) or envy(how to know such thing about yourself?). i am not brilliant, or genius, or bright, just have a little bit of knowledge to get me through my life. i am not a quick thinker, never quick on action and i am not a fast learner either. i am not a kind of girl people categorised as cool or easy to hang out with (if some say so, maybe because i hang out with cool people, so i am just a mere shadow of them). i am always out of topic to converse with others. yeah, 'diam lebih baik dari berkata-kata' or so, because i dont know. sometimes i dont understand people's feeling. am i bad? sometimes i dont know what people expect of me. i'm tired.
i have wishes, a full list of it. i want to do a lot of things, try all of it. some people said that i am crazy. why?
i always want to make others happy, enjoy their life. but in reality, i am the one who is responsible for the other's sorrow and pain. why?
i try to understand people, help them when they are in need. but, who want to help me? please?

i want to cover my pain and sadness because i dont want people to pity me, i want to stay strong for others so they can stand and face the world. just know that i will be there for you.
i know i am slow, slow in every thing. please, just bear with me. i am struggling to get through. can you just spare me some of your patient and be with me? i know i always look like this kind of people who always ask, 'please, wait for me!' 'please, make me understand!' all that. but, i know when i am not wanted.

i am not good at words, never. how am i suppose to confess? how am i suppose to write it out? (i dont even understand what i am trying to write, haha) and i always hate face-to-face confrontation! it kills!

i have lost myself long time ago and i dont know where to find the pieces. i am like a soul without a body wandering for a place to reside. (too much harry potter can cloud your mind! dont you think so? haha)

whatever it is, there is One and only One that will listen to me forever, wait for me forever, teach me forever and have patient for me forever. Him.

Praise be to Allah, Lord of the world.

ai-na : there's pain, but no wound. i might let some of it spill. hmm, what a thought...

p/s : i just want to try some of the colours, haha..looks cool though!

~ safe ~

remember about my missing hand phone? and how nervous wreck I am of telling my ummi and abah? well, i told them. i should have told them earlier, but my ummi and abah accept it well. yes, well. my ummi just said 'dah bukan rezeki, maybe ada salah di mana-mana'

so, i'm fine right now. my ummi said, just do with what you have right now because i will certainly not buying a new one for you. that's the punishment i think, hehe. what to do? i'll live..

ai-na : that is how we learn to live the hard way..

~ Lost ~

The last few weeks had been so hectic for me and my friends. Being the final semester student is no joke, man! Time flies, and it is nearing to the final exam! I even asked myself, what had I learned this semester? So much assignments and presentations that I made me forgot what had happen these past few weeks. A lot of sacrifices to be made, things to be let go and some people would not understand the position that I am in. Forcing me to do this, go there and what so ever. (it is not that I don’t want to join, but my time is constraint!) It is tiring and stressful.

And I know I’ve been neglecting a lot, so ALLAH has sent me some remembrances. This happened during last week, the last 14 weeks of study. The most busiest week of all. On Thursday, me and my friends purposely skipped classes, Law classes, to finish up our Etr presentation that due on Friday, the next day.  I lost my room key in the toilet bowl! I tried to save it, but unfortunately when I could not hold … any longer, I went to the toilet next to the one with my key in. Then, I heard, someone was inside the toilet next to me and flushed! There goes my key, goodbye! Huhu!  What more is, the person who flushed the toilet is my friend! So, I was locked outside my room without able to do anything. I have to wait for my roommate who also my classmate back from Law class to open the door so I can get in and do my work. See! It just the same as I go to class and back at that time. Moral of the story, never skip class no matter what. (but I still skipped the night class, hehe)

Next remembrances are, I’m having fever on Saturday. And that day I have Critical Thinking test! Huhu! I hope I can make it. Later that day, I can not have my rest because I have promised my little sister to accompany her to PC Fair in KLCC so I have to go. Then go to the service centre to upgrade her office and activate it, until late. That night I was supposed to sleep at my friend’s house so I dragged my sister there since her house is near my friend’s. My sister packed her things at her house and it is already 2230, so we have to take the taxi to go to my friend’s.

My friend asked my to text her if we already near her house, so I did that. Upon arriving, I paid the taxi driver and get out. Then I realised something is missing! My handphone! I left it in the taxi! The stupidest thing ever for me is that I forgot to take the taxi’s number! So, I told my friend that I have to go back and chase the taxi. Me and my sister get on another taxi and try to go back to where we take the first taxi. The 2^nd taxi driver is very helpful, he knows the 1^st taxi driver but unfortunately he did not have the phone number of that driver. My sister called her friend to find the 1^st taxi as we already know t he number at the place we get on it. Her friend found the taxi; search the taxi with the driver but no handphone. We arrived there and I asked the driver if I can checked it again myself. He said, go on and the result is still the same. No handphone! When I tried to called my number again, it already off as someone already have it. The taxi driver said there is few people ask to be sent someplace but he refused. But, there are 3 guys that stop him and ask whether he could send them to Carrefour, 2 of them already halfway into the taxi. The taxi driver said he will charge RM10, but they refused and the taxi driver asked how much they want to pay but they refused and go away. So the taxi driver said he went straight away to the place we first board him.

So, our assumptions are that 3 guys took my handphone. What can I do? I can do nothing as it is my own fault, my own carelessness. No matter how hard I cried, the handphone is still gone. (I did cried though, cried until I slept that night) What is worst is, it is exactly 1 year after the day my laptop, handphone and my abah’s mp3(which I borrowed) being stolen. Exactly a week before my final exam. What make me so sad is the handphone that is just lost is my abah’s phone, which he bought it because his old phone can no longer be used. That is why when I first lost my handphone he gave me his new handphone and use again the old one. The thing he said to me when he gave me his new phone that make me sad when I remembered it, ‘Jaga handphone ni kak, macam mana akak sayang abah’. How can you not feel sad when he said that? I felt like I’m disappointing him. Whenever I remember it, I cried. It hurt so much.

Then, I try to realise my mistake. What have I done to be tested again? I tried to muhasabah myself, looking for the holes in my amal. What have I do wrong? There is time when I feel like I really need someone to be with me, but I realised again ALLAH is with me all the time. HE knows me well, inside out and always there for me. It just us, that sometimes forget HIM and when something like this happened, we look for HIM.

ai-na : i don't know if I should tell my ummi and my abah...

~ Rambles Brambles ~

I want to fly away

Fly through the white clouds

And touch the sky

I want to run away

As far as I can

Till the end of the world

I want to swim away

To the deepest ocean

Explore and learn the beauty of creation

But in the end

I have to come back

ai-na : maksudnye, berpijaklah di bumi yang nyata, asyik berangan je!