~ Snow ~

When will it snow in Exeter? I've been waiting and waiting. I cant help it to feel excited!

ai-na : for those who went to scotland for skiing, bring back snow for me. make sure its not melt!

~ She who goes by the name Maryam ~

Learning and embracing new things in life is not easy. Especially when it changed your life. Its started with a discussion about good people that can go to heaven and lead to changes. 

She said, 'all good people will go to heaven'. Her friend replied, 'no, only good muslim will go to heaven'. She didnt satisfied because she believed what her mum said. Then her friend gave her the Quran with its meaning and ask her to find in it saying about 'all good people will go to heaven'. She spent her whole night finishing it just to prove her point and alas, she apologised to her friend. Something happened that night that caused her to search and learn more about Islam. She begin reading books, asking from friends. She got lucky since most of her friends there are muslim and glad to help her in her understanding. 

She begin to fully practiced Islam since March when she no longer went to pub with her friends because she thought its no longer suitable. She stop herself from drinking because she knew its Haram, she started to find Halal food, she started to learn how to pray and read Quran and she learned to fast during Ramadhan. 

She done all of it without the knowledge of her family because she knew her family will not agree with her. But, her mum caught her during her Eid Fitri prayer with her head scarf on and started to fight with her. Her mum said that this is not the way she brought her up and why she turn from her family. 

She cant make her family understand because she is still new in it. What with the propaganda about Islam, false image shown by the muslims itself. Her mum worried about terrorism!

But she still want to do it. And today she become our new sister in Islam, did her Shahadah in Exeter Mosque done by the Imam itself after the Friday prayer. The imam said, 'no matter if your family are not muslim, you still have to respect them'. When the imam asked her, 'did anyone force you to become a muslim?' She said, 'no'. I almost cry because she answered with confident and sureness. 

We all are happy for her and wish her the very best in life. 

ai-na : A story of Lauren-Grace whom i respect her when she fight for what is truly right.

~ whats your problem? ~

i'm facing problem with blogger! urgh! whats your problem? is it me who dont understand or you are stupid?!

ai-na : brain cramped!

~ War on Terror or War of Terror? ~

Charged without trial, released without trial. That happened to most of the ex-detainees in Guantanamo Bay. What is your reaction when you are being label 'the worst of the worst'? 

I attended an event of '3 years in Guantanamo Bay' in my university. The speaker is Moazzam Begg, the ex-detainees in Guantanamo. He told about his experience living in Guantanamo and how they were being treated there. Being taken away from his family in the middle of the night without any warrant, just the gun on his head. Without any reason or any explanation on why he was being taken, with no communication with his family or lawyer. 

The first thing they being told when arrived in Bagram, 'You are now the property of United State. You have NO rights' He told us, even iguana the protected species in the country have rights! 

They suffered all sorts of torture just so they tell something, anything about the terrorist. When Bush being asked what did these man done, he answered ' I dont know what they do, but I know that they are bad man' . How can you punish people without proof that they commit the wrong? They said they do not torture the detainees, but why put them far away from public knowledge. If being asked, some people may not know where Guantanamo Bay is? Some may not know at all about Guantanamo. 

Earlier this year, 530 detainees were released and 6 of them left in coffins. And 200+ were transferred to secret locations. Beware of Egypt and Libya! They are the new partners of United State. 

Now, who's the terrorist?

story courtesy of Mr Moazzam Begg. More info on www.cageprisoners.com

ai-na : not my story to tell but responsibility to share the awareness

~ Nusantara Aidil Adha ~

Eid Mubarak everyone! The second time eid adha away from home and first time without my family. Huhu! Its so sad but i'm not crying. I thought when I'll listen to takbir before the eid prayer i'll cry but the takbir is so different from Malaysia. Its full of energy and not 'mendayu' like in Malaysia. So yeah, not ad. Haha..I went to eid prayer at 8am because i've class at 9 and the sermons is in arabic and english. Since my class will start at 9 so i listened to the arabic version, haha! Luckily i know a little of arabic.Nothing special on the eid day after the prayer for me.   

Our malaysian society here decided to held an event on the saturday to celebrate eid, called 'nusantara aidil adha' for all malaysian, brunei and singaporean. Its a pot luck event, so we have to prepare our own food. My friend dyana and I decided to make 'onde-onde' or 'buah melaka', whatever you called it. It is the first time we want to try it and in mass production!  We managed to get all the ingredients here and you'll be surprised to know that daun pandan and gula melaka are available too. No fresh coconut though, we just used dried coconut flakes. I asked my ummi the recipe again the night before the event, and very early in the morning we made it.  

Here how the process goes: 

we made the dough

fill it with gula melaka

boil it

roll with coconut flakes

Tada!!

It was good even for the beginner like us, haha! There are lots of foods too. Nasi goreng, nasi lemak, kuah kacang, nasi impit, rendang, kari ayam and much more. Its so much fun and the foods are delicious. Some of us even wore baju kurung! I miss home!

Eid Mubarak!

ai-na : dont eat to much, please remember us here! hehe

~ plagiarism and creative mind ~

when information you need is all the thing you have to write, you have to be creative with your word. how am i suppose to paraphrase every single word if it means using the same word? its plagiarism! what am i saying?

ai-na : i felt like i'm being hit by bludger! haha

~ isoc, food and friends ~

Being a muslim is not just only by appearance or by name, it's how you practice it, your way of life. I just came back from the gathering for the Islamic society in my uni. The purpose of this meeting is to know each other, get to know the other muslims in Exeter and get more friends! The best part of it, free food!! haha

We start of with what we call 'ice breaking', where we get to know each member. It's kind of awkward at first, but when they start talking about movies everyone got excited and start talking. What got me excited is when they start talking about movies that were adapted from books, of course one of it is harry potter! I know the movies is kind of sucks (oops!) but the books are amazing! Then my friend said that j.k rowling is one of the student here in my uni (she was or is a student?) and some of the ideas in the harry potter books are adapted from places around Exeter. Also Diagon Alley was inspired from a street near my house! (i'm so going to go there tomorrow!) That make me really excited and then they said the set from 'the chamber of secret' the scene from the toilet where the basilisk came out was actually in the one of the school building in my uni! ok, right there and then i have made up my mind that i'll find the places (more like hunt the place) where it's connected with harry potter! (psycho right? i know) I'll stop about harry potter now before its too late. I can go on though! haha

So, we had our food, at last! yay, pizza! I love pizza when i start living here. It just, pizza is so good. So everybody stop talking for a few minutes to enjoy the food. 

Then everybody start talking again and when i look around i'm the only one not talking! Everybody are talking with each other and it seems they have a lot to talk about. Some of you may know that i'm not the kind who can talk easily with people, to start the conversation. It's some kind of disease, i think. So i'm like suffer in silence and eating, and eating. Then somebody took pity on me (i think!) and asked how was my day! Bless her! Now i have someone to talk to, so yes we talked about my study, her study and life in Exeter. haha, boring? no! 

Suddenly a girl from the other side of the room sat beside me and talked and asked about Islam with me and my new friend. I really want to talk about it here, now, but the topic is interesting so i'll keep it for my next post, i promise!

After the meeting, me and few girls went to this one girl's house (actually she invited us to come over) where she made us chai. It's indian style kind of chai or tea, it's nice and exotic where she boil the water, mix it with cinnamon, cardamon, honey and milk. It's sweet and spicy, exotic eh? She serve it with chocolate, and carrot and orange pastries. So now i'm kind of hyper because too much intake of sugar! I fell like walking around and running! oh i miss running! But i have to go home, my homework's calling. Once at home, i just remember 'oh no, i have no milk to eat with cereal for my breakfast tomorrow!' crumpet then..huhu

I have to go now, homework to finish because early morning tomorrow is my tutorial. Need to prepare, later!

ai-na : i want milk! i want milk! i want milk! 

~ complicated knowledge of emotion ~

When I'm angry, I found myself eating

When I'm sad, I found myself eating

When I'm happy, I found myself eating

When I'm bored, I found myself eating

When I dont have anything else to do, I found myself eating

It seem I'm eating all the time!

No wonder my food stock are depleting...

ai-na : i should reduce the amount of food i took and increase the amount of knowledge to seek.

~ victoria ~

the search for victoria has begun...

~ random thoughts ~

walking alone from the class in the darkness. 

1) does the shadow play with my imagination or the other way around?

2) in malaysia, we learn to drive with what car? 

good, kancil! 

in exeter, they learn to drive with what car? 

mini cooper!!

3) i'm hungry. what to cook?

4) loads of homework. i'm lost

5) i'm lazy.

ai-na : chocolate is nice! 

~ life ~

26th October 2009

exactly a month after leaving malaysia. a lot of things came to my mind, everything rushed into me, begging to be remembered. i've missed my family, my friends, the food, the environment and everything about home. and still i didn't cry yet. couldn't put myself into it.

in a month, i've learned a lot about life, learned about living by myself and learned about living among strangers so far away from home. i've learned how to adapt to the new life, the weather, the people and my study. it proved to be quite a challenge, but i manage to get through. yes, i did. and so thats how life, its never stop moving until its time to be stopped by Him.

everyone asked me how was study, how's life here. it's great! and i'm not lying or trying to cover things up. i enjoy myself here. i've learned few shortcuts to my campus since my house is in the city centre, which i have to walk everyday to class. tiring but a good exercise! (since its hard to sweat here) i am lucky to lived in the city, easy for me to find food and shopping! haha..

last friday i went to London, just to have a look around that place.

thames river, this is where harry potter flew in the film!

The food are good. You can easily find Halal food anywhere, Subway, KFC (since i already miss it) and even Malaysian food. I really enjoy myself, eating! It's still like a dream to me to come to this place and see everything that had been all in pictures or TV before, in front of my eyes. I felt like i'm in a dream-like state, not knowing when this all going to end. This is real Aina, wake up! 

Well, i did felt myself contemplating over the decision i made about coming here the first few days. I kept asking myself whether i made the right decision. later, i accepted whatever have been set for me and embraced it gratefully. (i felt like i'm blabbering right now, aren't i?)

time fly quickly here, now the day become shorter and night is longer. maghrib is at 1650 and i have 1 class at 1700. imagine walking back from class in the dark when its only 1800! i'm still getting used to it. And so the day become colder as the winter become nearer. yes, its almost rain everyday. the road is slippery and i really need a boot to survive the journey up and down the hill to class! (sigh!)

Good luck to all my friends sitting for their finals, i'll pray for your success!

ai-na : oops, lots of homework undone! got to go..

~ happy graduation! ~

hope i'm not too late to wish happy graduation to my friends who are graduating last monday. i'm sad because i couldnt join you all there but i'm happy for you. 

after all we've been through, the hardship, the struggle, the stress, the failure, the achievement for the 2 years, i'm glad we managed to pull through. so now look foward!

so this is for you guys! haha, share ok. 

good luck in your coming final, do the best. not all the things you want will come in silver platter, you have to work hard to earn it. pray for me!

Yazid, this one for you since you didnt receive any.

ai-na : cold and damp.

~ creeping inside ~

the changes in the air
polluting the mind
pain clouding the consciousness
darkness overwhelm the light
in the point of no return

warmth seeping through
evoked new life
rekindle old, long forgotten passion
when mind no longer in control

your path is lead by Him

~ journey away from home ~

its cold! thats what came across my mind when we reached heathrow. yes, alhamdulillah i've reached UK and all went well. well, i did cried at the airport! haha! naz, i couldnt stand to be strong enough not to cry! after almost 13 hours of flight, doing nothing except sleeping, eating and watching incomplete movies (cause its stupid!) walking around the arriving terminal in heathrow was a bliss! then we start our journey to exeter by coach for another 4 hours of sleeping! well, not all 4 hours spent on sleep. there's lot to see along the highway. so please bear with me guys for i'd enjoyed the moment. haha! ok, in malaysia we can see plain trees along the highway but here there's apple trees! ripe, red apple! so cool! since i never see an apple tree before, i'm excited.

everything is nice and beautiful here. i loved it here but i miss home! missed the heat, missed the meal and most of all missed my family and friends.

so my first week are packed with school registration, school's activity for freshers, sightseeing, tour and shopping! everything here are cheap and affordable (dont convert!). i met few malaysians as well, made new friends and we became a pack in an instant!

that's our first week in exeter, tiring but exciting and enjoyable. so, class start tomorrow at 2. i have lots of free time, yeay! use it well, i know!

pray for me and dont forget me!

ai-na : naz, whatever happen look at the bright side k!

~ visa oh visa ~

I went to KL on wednesday to collect my visa. The plan is to collect the visa in the morning and later pick up my stuff at the house before head back to jb in the evening. But, there some complication where i've been refused the visa and i have to submit the appeal application and so on. So much work! A one day job turn into 3 days job. Thanks so much to my dear friend Nazreena for letting me crash at her house for a night and accompanying me to do my appeal the next day. I cant thank you enough.

Thanks to Nazreena, Lzr and Yazid for the album. The album is wonderful, so sweet of you guys. Thanks a bunch. I'll never forget all the time we spent together, things we did and said. 

By the way, I am so sorry guys! Those of you who get to know the news of me fly off to UK from Naz's blog. It is not my intention to neglect toinform others but unfortunately due to time constraint and a lot of things to be taken care of, i'm late in informing. So sorry!

I received my visa today in the morning, and the british high comm said it was their fault for mistakenly understanding my application or what so ever. I dont understand myself. No matter, all went well now. Thank Allah for that. And thank you also to those who pray for me.

Packing done, so now i have free time to update my blog. Hope to see you all again in the future. Good luck, study smart and dont forget me eh!

ai-na : i'm excited but nervous. i'm sad too. i dont understand the mix feeling.   

~ Aidilfitri and its consequences? ~

Salam Aidilfitri to all my friends, whether you remember me or not. I am sorry for all the wrong things that i done and said, that hurt you. Please accept my apologies..

Well, it seems to be the last raya for me before I fly to UK this saturday. Since it will be the last raya, my aunt said 'aina, makan banyak2 nanti kat sana mana nak jumpa ketupat rendang ni semua.' I said 'adalah, boleh je buat sendiri. kat malaysian hall pun ada' She said again 'mana sama dengan yang kat sini' And my mum said 'true'. Ok, that is the first house! What happen when all the house i visited ask the same of me? 

so the next day, i unproudly said that one of the toilet in my aunt's house is officially mine for the whole morning.My aunt should allow me to put a name plaque on the door, my name. 15 times! 15 times i need to use the toilet and it was the worse diarrhea ever! I should heed the warning from my friend not to eat too much, huhu.

Well, later then.

ai-na : tired and hungry, but afraid to eat again!

~ a day at zoo negara ~

i'm excited! overly excited because i'm joining this volunteering activity at zoo negara somewhere in ampang, i think! to be specific near in gombak but i'm not so sure, haha! we have to be at budiman early in the morning, at 7am! so early! but we were like 10 minutes late, haha! typical! 

the bus started to move at around 730am and we arrived at arround 830. with this and that, walking to the gate we manage to gather at the office yard around 845 and the officer from the education department of the zoo said we already late for half an hour! the zoo is suppose to be opened to public at 9am and 'the zoo cleaner' (that's us!) are late to work! perfect, a lecture!

so, we were divided into groups and sent to our sections. eventhough i really want to 'clean up' the lion and tiger's cage but as a volunteer we can not choose, huhu! they just ask us to follow the assigned zoo keeper at each sections and do the work. me and my 4 other friends went to the reptile's house and parts of the amphibian's. urgh! snakes!! that is the place that i really want to avoid but alas, no chance!

two of us was to clean the tortoise or turtle (i cant differentiate it) house, not all. we swept the area, washed the ponds and talking! hehe! My friend Sarah and I got the easiest job (i think!) because our supervisor is cool and sporting and just telling stories to us. a pity to my other 3 friends, they have to prepare foods, fed the alligators, goats, rats, iguanas, lizards and even phytons! it is fun too but a lot of works and their supervisor is like a grumpy old man! while Sarah and I are having fun cleaning the phyton skins and just listening to stories! haha! 

Sarah was cool, she hold a very active phyton and enjoying it while i was like a meter away from her, avoiding the snake's head! i was afraid at first to touch the snakes, phytons most of it but then i was able to hold the phytons! yay! i hold the albino burmese phyton and took pictures with it. later ok!

when it times for our tea break, we all meet together with my other friends from the other sections and visits the other animals. we really love the tiger, malaya tiger and bengal tiger! and also the lion, simba the lion king! and i saw the puma too! they are so cute! haha!the lion wont stop roaring when we were there, haha! and we all took pictures of giraffes eating at the giraffe's cage, so tall and beautiful. 

the works are fun and also tiring, i think i hurt my back to! (whining aina!) an experience that i dont want to forget! if there is another chance of doing it again, i'll definitely go. maybe i even go visit the phytons! hehe! oh yeah, i'll visit the one pah gave name to, she called the albino phyton 'baby' and its a boy! very funny pah! 

later then, i'm super tired!

ai-na : go do your homeworkssss!

~ Of building and earthquake ~

To build something is not an easy job, just ask the engineers! They need full concentration to scale, measure and build. They need to make sure all the safety measures are installed and the building is protected from danger such as natural disaster, making it livable for the others. Before the project even begin, the planning is important. It took some times to develop the plan and later to proceed with the project. After the building is finished, it needs to be maintained.

Natural disaster is unpredictable. It can occur when we least expect it. Even day-to-day changes affect the environment. For example, when it always raining it will cause leaking to the building, fading the exterior wash of the building’s wall. When it sun all the time, it also cause the paint to fade. When something much bigger happen like the earthquake, it cause harm to the building and also the people who live in it. No matter how strong the structure of the building, it may still affect the building and the people. It may cause the building to be unlivable according to the condition.

From the analogy above, we can relate it to our life. It is hard to create a life. Every parent will plan for their children, what they expect of them, what they want their children to become in the future. It will be different to every parent on how they brought up their children but still with the same expectation. Every parent want what best for their children, ensure the safety, trying to fulfill the needs and sometimes what we want. From there, it will be our responsibilities on how we continue with our life. Do we become a good person, the one that are expected from our parent or the other way around?

 Sometimes we do not realised what we faced in life. We faced hardship and obstacle at every corner of our life. The story goes on. How do we handle the situation? With good faith? With gratefulness that Allah still remember us by giving us the test? Or we mourn at how unjust the life had been for us? No matter how bad it is, life must goes on. It’s like we’re taking a ship for a journey, we faced storm at the sea, rough weather, and if we were unlucky maybe a tsunami will cross our way. Still, we have to finish the journey to reach our destination. Start questioning yourself how you handle things in your life. I’ve done it. And you will get shock on how well things going on and maybe how bad it is that you already experienced. It makes you a wiser person.

Even building with the strongest structure will be affected by a minor earthquake. How about your life?

~ starting ~

the starting of new term. everybody are busy with the preparation, not to mention a bit angry with the starting of class. on short-notice, we are suppose to register early and college is NOT provided! so you can imagine the hectic life of mine for a few days. there are also something else that happened that really made me very sad. 

the day of becoming non-resident is really killing me. i am very tired of walking from the house and trying to catch the bus, every day! i really want a motorcycle or scooter, whatever but my ummi strictly said NO. the first week is very unnerving, day and night i'm busy with class and programs. even in the weekend but i managed it well (i think!). we already have a lot of homework! the day i moved in to my new house was very tiring! i am so sorry ummi and abah to make you come over and help me. luckily, everything back to normal at the end of the week. 

the starting of the second week which is this week, everything seems under control even though i am still tired of walking to and back from class. still have to catch the bus. you can see the scenario in every morning of how the students trying to get on the bus. with pushing and pulling, running and chasing after the bus. very unethical! (ehem, i seem to be one of them)

even though this new semester our timetable is not really pack like last semester, but it is tiring because the subjects are more tougher and harder. we need to study real hard and consistent. i'll try! 

life is colourful, that is why every thing is not easy. when you really want to do something and work hard for it, but in the end they never turn out the way you want it, it is really frustrating. i want so much in my life but not everything is possible. so, i'm trying to accept the truth even though it's really hard to do so. please pray for me.

~ story of my life ~

finally! at home now after finishing my final exam, my diploma and well, start a new thing. great things about being at home are the luxury of foods, time spent with family and a free mind! But, the not so great about being at home is me being bully! bullied by my little brother! hey, i know that i'm smaller than you but it does not give you the power to bully me!
Now come the story part..
The last day before my final exam, my audit lecturer gave her last talk about responsibilities, good behavior, respect and other things. Most of the things she said kinda hit the nerve. She said that we are good students, clever and easy to teach but, we're kinda lack in respecting our lecturers because she said we thought that we are clever so we can do what we want and stuff.
When she said, 'student ni bukan akademik je kena bagus tapi akhlak, rohani tu sendiri pun kena bagus. Baru boleh berjaya secara whole.' Ouch!
Then she said, 'lecturer ni memang tak suka student datang lambat, student yang macam ni la dia tak nak tolong sangat bila exam' Ouch!
Ouch, ouch and ouch! It really hit the nerve, guys! I realised how myself had act around the whole semester even in the whole course. Am I good? I know that i am not that good in academic but how about my akhlak? Hmm..
So, I really hope to be good in whole for the new semester and forever. Be a good student, no more playing around and start focusing on life (its seems like for every start of semester i'll promise myself the same thing but i did not do as promised!) This time it must be fulfill!
Ok, stop there about it.
Now, i missed my baby again! My baby is sick again, and has to be sent for repair. For the remaining of holiday i have to use the computer at my house, the ever so slow computer. Oops, do not say that aina! Nanti die merajuk tak nak ON baru taw!
That's it for now, want to go enjoying myself! Cooking and eating, yumm...

ai-na : to my friends, enjoy your holiday guys! buy me present k..

~ waves of emotion ~

Praise to Allah, the Creator of this magnificent world.

I'm happy, la la la...have you ever see a little girl who got her lollipop? happy as can be. haha, i just got back my baby yesterday after a week in 'the hospital'. now my baby can speak again! woohoo! after a long week of torture (i'm exaggerating!) and missing my baby, i am happy and content! ok, whatever. 

now, have you ever see a little girl who just got her lolly but unfortunately dropped it into the mud? sad and pity! well, that is also happened to me. my whole batch is going to have this kind of graduation dinner where some may say goodbyes and else. and i will not go. final. reasons? well, just say that things are more complicated and better left untouch.

ai-na : i'm left alone at my own device...

~ spill some blood ~

whush, whack, whack, whush, whack, vroom, wheep,wheep. fewh, after about a month i left you! by the way, that's me doing the cleaning of this dirty and dusty blog of mine..ok,forget about it!

now, this entry is about me and only me (well, it is my blog!) and those who are related to me (offically and non-official, huh?) whatever!

this is about me and my idiocy, me and my ignorance, me and my stupid feelings, me and my jealousy, me and my slowness (does this word exist?), me and my everything..
i am an ordinary girl with no special or extraordinary ability that can make people gawk at me (not that i want to) or envy(how to know such thing about yourself?). i am not brilliant, or genius, or bright, just have a little bit of knowledge to get me through my life. i am not a quick thinker, never quick on action and i am not a fast learner either. i am not a kind of girl people categorised as cool or easy to hang out with (if some say so, maybe because i hang out with cool people, so i am just a mere shadow of them). i am always out of topic to converse with others. yeah, 'diam lebih baik dari berkata-kata' or so, because i dont know. sometimes i dont understand people's feeling. am i bad? sometimes i dont know what people expect of me. i'm tired.
i have wishes, a full list of it. i want to do a lot of things, try all of it. some people said that i am crazy. why?
i always want to make others happy, enjoy their life. but in reality, i am the one who is responsible for the other's sorrow and pain. why?
i try to understand people, help them when they are in need. but, who want to help me? please?

i want to cover my pain and sadness because i dont want people to pity me, i want to stay strong for others so they can stand and face the world. just know that i will be there for you.
i know i am slow, slow in every thing. please, just bear with me. i am struggling to get through. can you just spare me some of your patient and be with me? i know i always look like this kind of people who always ask, 'please, wait for me!' 'please, make me understand!' all that. but, i know when i am not wanted.

i am not good at words, never. how am i suppose to confess? how am i suppose to write it out? (i dont even understand what i am trying to write, haha) and i always hate face-to-face confrontation! it kills!

i have lost myself long time ago and i dont know where to find the pieces. i am like a soul without a body wandering for a place to reside. (too much harry potter can cloud your mind! dont you think so? haha)

whatever it is, there is One and only One that will listen to me forever, wait for me forever, teach me forever and have patient for me forever. Him.

Praise be to Allah, Lord of the world.

ai-na : there's pain, but no wound. i might let some of it spill. hmm, what a thought...

p/s : i just want to try some of the colours, haha..looks cool though!

~ safe ~

remember about my missing hand phone? and how nervous wreck I am of telling my ummi and abah? well, i told them. i should have told them earlier, but my ummi and abah accept it well. yes, well. my ummi just said 'dah bukan rezeki, maybe ada salah di mana-mana'

so, i'm fine right now. my ummi said, just do with what you have right now because i will certainly not buying a new one for you. that's the punishment i think, hehe. what to do? i'll live..

ai-na : that is how we learn to live the hard way..

~ Lost ~

The last few weeks had been so hectic for me and my friends. Being the final semester student is no joke, man! Time flies, and it is nearing to the final exam! I even asked myself, what had I learned this semester? So much assignments and presentations that I made me forgot what had happen these past few weeks. A lot of sacrifices to be made, things to be let go and some people would not understand the position that I am in. Forcing me to do this, go there and what so ever. (it is not that I don’t want to join, but my time is constraint!) It is tiring and stressful.

And I know I’ve been neglecting a lot, so ALLAH has sent me some remembrances. This happened during last week, the last 14 weeks of study. The most busiest week of all. On Thursday, me and my friends purposely skipped classes, Law classes, to finish up our Etr presentation that due on Friday, the next day.  I lost my room key in the toilet bowl! I tried to save it, but unfortunately when I could not hold … any longer, I went to the toilet next to the one with my key in. Then, I heard, someone was inside the toilet next to me and flushed! There goes my key, goodbye! Huhu!  What more is, the person who flushed the toilet is my friend! So, I was locked outside my room without able to do anything. I have to wait for my roommate who also my classmate back from Law class to open the door so I can get in and do my work. See! It just the same as I go to class and back at that time. Moral of the story, never skip class no matter what. (but I still skipped the night class, hehe)

Next remembrances are, I’m having fever on Saturday. And that day I have Critical Thinking test! Huhu! I hope I can make it. Later that day, I can not have my rest because I have promised my little sister to accompany her to PC Fair in KLCC so I have to go. Then go to the service centre to upgrade her office and activate it, until late. That night I was supposed to sleep at my friend’s house so I dragged my sister there since her house is near my friend’s. My sister packed her things at her house and it is already 2230, so we have to take the taxi to go to my friend’s.

My friend asked my to text her if we already near her house, so I did that. Upon arriving, I paid the taxi driver and get out. Then I realised something is missing! My handphone! I left it in the taxi! The stupidest thing ever for me is that I forgot to take the taxi’s number! So, I told my friend that I have to go back and chase the taxi. Me and my sister get on another taxi and try to go back to where we take the first taxi. The 2^nd taxi driver is very helpful, he knows the 1^st taxi driver but unfortunately he did not have the phone number of that driver. My sister called her friend to find the 1^st taxi as we already know t he number at the place we get on it. Her friend found the taxi; search the taxi with the driver but no handphone. We arrived there and I asked the driver if I can checked it again myself. He said, go on and the result is still the same. No handphone! When I tried to called my number again, it already off as someone already have it. The taxi driver said there is few people ask to be sent someplace but he refused. But, there are 3 guys that stop him and ask whether he could send them to Carrefour, 2 of them already halfway into the taxi. The taxi driver said he will charge RM10, but they refused and the taxi driver asked how much they want to pay but they refused and go away. So the taxi driver said he went straight away to the place we first board him.

So, our assumptions are that 3 guys took my handphone. What can I do? I can do nothing as it is my own fault, my own carelessness. No matter how hard I cried, the handphone is still gone. (I did cried though, cried until I slept that night) What is worst is, it is exactly 1 year after the day my laptop, handphone and my abah’s mp3(which I borrowed) being stolen. Exactly a week before my final exam. What make me so sad is the handphone that is just lost is my abah’s phone, which he bought it because his old phone can no longer be used. That is why when I first lost my handphone he gave me his new handphone and use again the old one. The thing he said to me when he gave me his new phone that make me sad when I remembered it, ‘Jaga handphone ni kak, macam mana akak sayang abah’. How can you not feel sad when he said that? I felt like I’m disappointing him. Whenever I remember it, I cried. It hurt so much.

Then, I try to realise my mistake. What have I done to be tested again? I tried to muhasabah myself, looking for the holes in my amal. What have I do wrong? There is time when I feel like I really need someone to be with me, but I realised again ALLAH is with me all the time. HE knows me well, inside out and always there for me. It just us, that sometimes forget HIM and when something like this happened, we look for HIM.

ai-na : i don't know if I should tell my ummi and my abah...

~ Rambles Brambles ~

I want to fly away

Fly through the white clouds

And touch the sky

I want to run away

As far as I can

Till the end of the world

I want to swim away

To the deepest ocean

Explore and learn the beauty of creation

But in the end

I have to come back

ai-na : maksudnye, berpijaklah di bumi yang nyata, asyik berangan je!

~ busy ~

i am sorry for not posting for a long time..i am really busy right now with a lot of works , presentations and assignments, it is too much for my brain to handle! my life is kinda hectic and sometime i'm losing myself, haha..nothing much to write, hoping everyone in good health..hope to post in again anytime soon..

ai-na : it is too much!!  

~ my dear friend ~

Dear friend,

You are so shy and afraid to go forward

You always stay behind others and watch from a far

You afraid of saying your thoughts that you think may hurt others

You keep quiet and accept everything

Even when you disagree, you just keep it to yourself

I know when you feel like crying, you just throw the feeling away

You feel alone but you never say so

I saw the other side of you that peeking out, wanting to come out

I saw everything that you gone through, but you still keep it to yourself

I am sorry for not being there when you need me the most

I am sorry for not helping you when I know you are in trouble

I am sorry for staying away from you

I am sorry for not being a good friend to you

I am sorry for everything…

~ walking down the memory lane ~

I joined ‘Larian Melati’ today for my college festival. It has been, what, 3 years ago since I ran, so, you should have guess that I did not won any place. Haha! It was very tiring, as we had to run around the UiTM. This is the first time I go around the UiTM by foot! Our starting line is at the back of our college leading to this ‘Bukit Tonggek’ (because you need to tonggek when climbing even using motorcycles, haha!) This bukit is 45 degree (I think) and the reason I was left behind. After climbing the bukit, my leg was like jelly. I started to panic; oh please do not collapse Aina! Alhamdulillah, I manage to continue my run, haha!

Along the way, my mind was flooded with memories from the past. It seems alive, I can hear the laughter, see the faces of my friends and feel the excitement. I miss you guys! I remembered when we were running back in primary school during the sports day (Asma’ Aminuddin , you shine in secondary school! A fast runner at that time); we were competing each other and comparing who got the fastest time. At one time, we support each other; support the house, uhud, badar, khandak and khaibar. I was in Badar from standard 1 to 3 and was in Uhud from standard 4 to 6. I think they do not called that now. Sometime, we will go against each other, fighting of which house is better, and then we forget it all and become close again. Childish, I know. But that make us closer. I really miss those times.

In secondary school, we run for marathon. I remember my running partners, Ain and Musyirah(where are you girls, I missed you!). Whenever there a marathon competition, Ain, Musyirah and I will plan our strategy on how to win. We will start at the very front line and start running at slow pace. Then we count those who run past us until 10 people. And we start increasing our pace, run past them one by one until we know that we are ahead of everyone. We control our running but never stop for a walk. Even if we are tired we still run slowly but moving. In form 2, using this strategy we won 1st, 2nd and 3rd place. Ain in the 1st place, me in 2nd followed by Musyirah in 3rd. That is one of the happy memories that I will never forget about running.

When I was in MRSM, there is a jogathon competition. I still use the same strategy but without my partners, I felt alone. I won, but in the 13th place. Still good enough eh? Running will never be the same without you girls! But I still remember my friends, Syaimaa’, Nabihah, Asma’ Aminuddin who are a great runner themselves. I envied you all. Then, I remember the time when we were in Java. Thinking of you reminds me of what we had done, what we had been through. We learn a lot together, we cry, we laugh and even quarrel. Without you, I am nobody. All of you are precious to me; I don’t want to lose you, never. I always want to be there for you when you need somebody to go through your life. But, we were separated by our future, time and thoughts. Just make sure that all of you are always in my heart. Always.

ai-na : bila nak wat reunion lagi?

~ Last breath... ~

A long weekend! (its 3 days!) Yesterday I went to visit my little sister in her place around Subang, being a good sister I am (perasan!). Just wasting my time there actually, seeing her study, watching TV and sleep (haha!) We spent some, you may say quality time together as sisters, telling jokes and laughing around. We went to eat, window shopping and all sort of stupid and some genius stuff.

Well, I went back to place today as I have a lot of homework to do. On our way, (she came with me for lunch) we saw this one cute kitten with blue eyes. Adorable! Then, somewhere ahead of us there are a silver Honda Civic just came out from the parking spot and zoom off. Then my sister said, there is a new kitten, gray-white colour, there. So I went there, and I saw not only one but two new kittens! One was the gray-white colour and the other was black. The black kitten was lying and the mother were licking its body. The sibling (i suppose!) was nudging the black kitten's body as if saying, 'come on, get up' (i'm learning cat language, haha!). I was curios as why the black kitten just laid there so I came near. Then, the black kitten turned towards us and I saw a set of beautiful sparkling blue eyes (i'm not exaggerating!). I never thought to see such a beautiful eyes, but something amiss behind those eyes. We keep on looking at it, and the black kitten just stared at us as if trying to say, 'could you please help me'.

I saw a few feet away from us, there are three Japanese or Korean guys(i'm not sure) were staring at the three cat, the black kitten in particular. My sister said maybe the black kitten is dying because of being hit by the car. The kitten couldn't get up! And it still staring at us, begging us with the look. And later, it turn its head and became still. I thought it was dead, then I came nearer to look. The mother had stop licking and just sat still beside it, the other kitten had also sat still across it's sibling. I saw the black kitten heaving a sharp breath, once, twice and I couldn't look no more. My sister make an attempt to go nearer but I stop her, I said don't look at it when it is its time to go. The mother and the sibling also didn't look at it.
I dragged my sister away from the family, and just look from afar. The guys came to us and asked if the kitten had died, but my sister just said its dying. Just imagine, looking at the kitten's eyes in the last minutes of its life. I still can't forget the look on the kitten eyes, as the light seems to fade away, so as its soul. I felt hopeless, can't help the kitten. Then we just move on, feeling very sad. Yeah, and bad-mouthing (not too harsh, dont worry!) the unresponsible driver.

We had our lunch and I bought some stuff for myself then I'm off to my place. After settling down, I text my sister to make sure she had reach her place. And, she told me another bad news! The grey-white kitten is dead! The head was squashed, and bits of it were sprayed around. It's gruesome, if you can imagine it, but it is so sad. They died side by side. In just a few hours, the mother had lost two kitten! My sister and I called whoever the killer, 'the cat slayer'. Maybe you can say that the driver didn't see the kittens were under the car but can't you just peek under or look around. They should know that the area has a lot of cats around. Just check around, it won't cost you anyway.

So, lesson for today : Check under and around your car before you move away, better that way than being a killer!

ai-na : I missed my cat..

~tagged~

i have know idea of this tag game! anyone? tag with what? i tagged muyaaa la..

~ What should we do? ~

Been thinking a lot! Well, I’ll need some comment. In the event of the war in Gaza, Muslims are asked to boycott all Israel’s and US products. If we, all the Islamic countries stop buying goods from US, it will affect their economy and we hope it will therefore stop them from giving unnecessary funds to help the Israelis.

But, what will happen to the Muslims in the US? They also will be affected by the economy. What happen to the Muslims workers in our country? Those working in the McDonalds, Starbucks and all other company that we are suppose to boycott. Now with the recession problem affecting the world, where can they find another job when big companies are planning for strike off?

What is our responsibility toward other Muslims? What should we do in helping other Muslims around the globe?

ai-na : i care...

~3rd Intifadha'~

read most of my friends blog, everyone talked about Palestine. it hurts me whenever i came across news stating the condition of our fellow muslims there who were killed and tortured mercilessly. what should i do, what should we do?
those idiots talked about humanity and freedom, they help those people in need from around the world, let the world know that they care. but why they overlooked on what happened in Palestine? still they helped israel in destroying and killing muslims in Palestine. is these humanity? is this freedom?
the israels cut all help sent for palestine people saying those muslims are terrorist, but they asked for helped from outside to kill the palestinian. who are the terrorist actually? hamas attacked the israelis soldier but israels attack all the innocence people including womens and children which is in United States, children are to be protected. but does the americans protect the children of palestine? NO! they helped the israels to kill them by giving fund and support!
we can just pray for those muslims in Palestine, may ALLAH help them in facing whatever difficulties set upon them. pray for them to stay strong in fighting for their rights and protecting Islam.
Ya ALLAH, please protect my friends and family in Islam there in Palestine and around the world as they fight for Islam. Please help them and make them strong to fight the enemies of Islam. Amin.

ai-na : the world is nearing to an end...